So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
