Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
