fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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