sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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