Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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