i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
