I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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