Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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