its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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