New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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