the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
