I need help removing her.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
