Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
