my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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