If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
