If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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