Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
