i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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