he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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