I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
