Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
