we have officially lost it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
