Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
