I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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