found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
