yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
