pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
