Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
