I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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