my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
