Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
