I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You have to summon your inner elephant
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
