Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
