i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
don't judge my taste in strippers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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