Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
