so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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