apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
