He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
