3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He felt like a one man threesome
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
