How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
