After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
