I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
