ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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