Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize