in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
