Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
