my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
