dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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