I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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