I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
