dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
