And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
