remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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