I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
