Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
