Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
