id be glad to
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
